250+ Funny & Smart Replies to “Drunk Texts”

Your phone buzzes late at night and you see a message that is half romantic, half chaotic, and completely unexpected. You have just received a drunk text. These late-night messages can be funny, sweet, confusing, or even hurtful depending on who sends them and what they say. They are a modern part of relationships, friendships, and even work connections. Knowing how to respond to drunk texts can save you from awkward mornings, unnecessary drama, and misunderstandings.

This guide will cover why people send drunk texts, how to decide if you should respond, examples of what to say, and how to protect yourself emotionally and digitally. It is designed to help you handle these moments with confidence while also ranking well for searches like how to deal with drunk texting, best drunk text replies, and drunk texting etiquette.

250+ Replies to “Drunk Texts”

The Concerned Friend

1. Are you okay?
   
2. Where are you right now?
   
3. Who are you with?
   
4. Do you need me to come get you?
   
5. Please drink some water.
   
6. Can you send me your location?
   
7. You sound out of it, are you safe?
   
8. Call me if you need help.
   
9. Let me know when you’re home.
   
10. I’m here if you need me.
    

The Sober Translator

1. I think you meant “I’m at the bar.”
   
2. That sounds like “We’re getting food now.”
   
3. Translating… looks like you’re having a good time.
   
4. Pretty sure that’s “I love pizza.”
   
5. Did you mean to say “The music is loud”?
   
6. I’m reading this as “This is the best night ever.”
   
7. Okay, I think you just said “We found karaoke.”
   
8. That’s definitely “Spilled my drink.”
   
9. Oh, so you meant “I lost my shoe.”
   
10. This translates to “I’m dancing on the table.”
    

The Play-Along

1. Me too, cheers!
   
2. Guess what, I’m at the same bar… in spirit.
   
3. I’m already on round three over here.
   
4. Save me a dance.
   
5. Let’s toast from afar.
   
6. I’ll pretend I just spilled my drink too.
   
7. Singing along with you in my kitchen.
   
8. I’m swaying like I’m there.
   
9. I’m laughing like we’re both tipsy.
   
10. Cheers, you legend.
    

The Gentle Roast

1. I think your keyboard is drunk too.
   
2. Wow, the typos are strong with this one.
   
3. Did you text me or cast a spell?
   
4. I see autocorrect gave up on you.
   
5. That’s some Olympic-level nonsense.
   
6. You’re making up new words again.
   
7. I’ll add this to the drunk text hall of fame.
   
8. That message was 90% vowels.
   
9. Did your phone hiccup?
   
10. That’s poetry… kind of.
    

The Noncommittal

1. Haha yeah.
   
2. Totally.
   
3. For sure.
   
4. Mhm.
   
5. Interesting.
   
6. Right?
   
7. Oh wow.
   
8. Yeah.
   
9. Huh.
   
10. Lol.
    

The Parent Mode

1. Drink a glass of water now.
   
2. Get some food in you.
   
3. Go home, it’s late.
   
4. Don’t forget your coat.
   
5. Text me when you get in.
   
6. Charge your phone.
   
7. Find a safe ride.
   
8. Sit down before you fall.
   
9. Stop mixing drinks.
   
10. Sleep it off.
    

The Mystery Solver

1. Okay, who’s “Bradly”?
   
2. Why is there a goat?
   
3. Where exactly is “home-ish”?
   
4. How did you lose your shoes?
   
5. Who’s in the background screaming?
   
6. Why are you whispering in all caps?
   
7. What happened to the pizza?
   
8. Did you mean to send that to me?
   
9. Who is “him”???
   
10. What do you mean by “mission complete”?
    

The Echo Chamber

1. “We found magic tacos”
   
2. “Life is a slippery dance floor”
   
3. “There’s a bear at the club”
   
4. “Soup is better than relationships”
   
5. “I can’t feel my teeth”
   
6. “The floor is hugging me”
   
7. “I am the DJ now”
   
8. “Pineapple forever”
   
9. “This chair understands me”
   
10. “I live here now”
    

The Dramatic

1. This changes everything.
   
2. I can’t believe you just said that.
   
3. The prophecy is fulfilled.
   
4. And so it begins.
   
5. This is the twist we were waiting for.
   
6. You’ve altered the course of history.
   
7. The nation will hear of this.
   
8. You’ve awakened the ancient power.
   
9. It’s all falling into place.
   
10. The world isn’t ready for this truth.

The Therapist

1. Sounds like there’s something on your mind tonight.
   
2. What’s really making you feel this way?
   
3. I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.
   
4. Sometimes a night like this brings up hidden feelings.
   
5. Want to tell me what’s going on inside your head?
   
6. It’s okay to feel messy sometimes.
   
7. I’m proud of you for opening up like this.
   
8. What do you think is behind these thoughts?
   
9. You deserve kindness, especially from yourself.
   
10. Let’s unpack this together when you’re ready.
    

The Reverse Uno

1. Speaking of tacos, have you ever tried sushi?
   
2. That reminds me, did you finish that book you started?
   
3. By the way, I just adopted a cactus.
   
4. Totally unrelated but I found a great new podcast.
   
5. Random question, if you could time travel, where to?
   
6. Hey, have you planned your next vacation yet?
   
7. Changing the subject, what’s your favorite movie snack?
   
8. Also, I tried that new coffee place downtown today.
   
9. Side note, did you see the game last night?
   
10. Before I forget, have you heard that new song?
    

The Empathetic

1. I’ve been there too, it’s rough sometimes.
   
2. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
   
3. You’re not alone in feeling like this.
   
4. I get why you’re saying that, it makes sense.
   
5. You’re doing the best you can, seriously.
   
6. It’s okay to lean on someone now and then.
   
7. I’m here for you, no judgment.
   
8. Those feelings are valid, don’t push them away.
   
9. We all have nights like this, you’re human.
   
10. Thanks for trusting me with this.
    

The Time Traveler

1. Greetings from the year 2045, your message was received.
   
2. I see your drunk text has caused a minor time paradox.
   
3. In 2077, they still talk about this text.
   
4. Future me says you’re gonna laugh about this tomorrow.
   
5. Beware, your text has been archived in the space-time vault.
   
6. The time machine confirms your message was hilarious.
   
7. From the future: drink water and call me.
   
8. History books will mention this text as “the great typo.”
   
9. Your message just altered the timeline slightly.
   
10. By 3000 AD, we’ll have AI that understands drunk texts perfectly.
    

The Lore Builder

1. And so the legendary night of the lost phone began.
   
2. The hero’s journey took a wild turn at the bar.
   
3. This message marks the start of the epic saga.
   
4. In the ancient texts, this phrase was known as the “Drunk Spell.”
   
5. The kingdom trembled at the mention of “Bradly.”
   
6. Our tale continues, fueled by laughter and spilled drinks.
   
7. This is the prophecy written in the stars tonight.
   
8. The tavern’s walls still echo your words.
   
9. They say whoever sends this text gains mystical powers.
   
10. Thus, the legend of the midnight confession was born.
    

The Meme Drop

1. Sends a GIF of a cat knocking over a glass
   
2. Sends a meme saying “When autocorrect gives up”
   
3. Sends a picture of a confused dog with “Me trying to read this”
   
4. Sends a dancing baby meme
   
5. Sends the “This is fine” cartoon
   
6. Sends a gif of someone facepalming
   
7. Sends a meme with “I can’t even right now”
   
8. Sends a picture of a sloth with sunglasses
   
9. Sends a meme saying “Drunk texting level: expert”
   
10. Sends a gif of a seal clapping awkwardly
    

The Random Fact

1. Did you know honey never spoils?
   
2. Octopuses have three hearts.
   
3. Bananas are berries but strawberries are not.
   
4. A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance.
   
5. The Eiffel Tower can be 15 cm taller during summer.
   
6. Wombat poop is cube-shaped.
   
7. Humans share 60% of their DNA with bananas.
   
8. There are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on Earth.
   
9. Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins.
   
10. Some turtles can breathe through their butts.
    

The Overly Formal

1. I acknowledge receipt of your recent communiqué.
   
2. Your message has been duly noted with great interest.
   
3. Kindly clarify the intent behind your previous statement.
   
4. Please be advised that your current state appears compromised.
   
5. I urge you to maintain decorum in all subsequent correspondences.
   
6. It is imperative that you ensure your well-being immediately.
   
7. Your linguistic presentation is notably irregular this evening.
   
8. Might I suggest a period of repose for optimal recovery?
   
9. I remain at your disposal for further assistance.
   
10. Please consider this an official reminder to hydrate adequately.

The Song Lyric

1. Is this the part where we say “I’m too drunk to drive”?
   
2. “Don’t stop believin’” sounds about right right now.
   
3. “I’m on a highway to hell” might fit this mood.
   
4. “Cause baby you’re a firework” fits your energy.
   
5. “Oops, I did it again” comes to mind here.
   
6. “I wanna dance with somebody” like it’s Saturday night.
   
7. “I’m feeling good from my head to my shoes.”
   
8. “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.”
   
9. “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”
   
10. “I can’t get no satisfaction” sums it up well.
    

The Challenge Issuer

1. Bet you can’t type a full sentence without autocorrect.
   
2. Try sending me a message without any typos now.
   
3. Can you hold a conversation without slurring for five minutes?
   
4. I dare you to text me a joke that makes sense.
   
5. Prove you’re not totally wasted by answering this quiz.
   
6. I challenge you to finish that sentence correctly.
   
7. Can you name five things you see around you right now?
   
8. I double dare you to say your ABCs backwards.
   
9. Try sending me a sober text in the next 10 minutes.
   
10. If you can text me “I’m sober” without a typo, I’ll buy you a drink.
    

The Plot Twist

1. Wait, you’re actually the secret agent I’ve been looking for?
   
2. So you weren’t drunk texting, you were undercover all along?
   
3. Turns out this whole night was a dream inside a dream.
   
4. Surprise, this text just unlocked a hidden message.
   
5. Wait, you’ve been planning this prank since last year?
   
6. The real twist is, I’m drunk texting you too right now.
   
7. So this wasn’t a drunk text, but a love confession?
   
8. And just when I thought the night couldn’t get weirder…
   
9. Wait, this message changes everything I thought I knew.
   
10. Turns out your phone was hacked by a drunk robot.
    

The Language Swap

1. Hola amigo, ¿todo bien?
   
2. Salut, tu es drôle ce soir.
   
3. Ciao, stai bevendo troppo?
   
4. Hallo, wo bist du gerade?
   
5. こんにちは、元気？
   
6. Привет, ты в порядке?
   
7. 안녕, 많이 마셨어?
   
8. Olá, você está seguro?
   
9. Hei, onko kaikki hyvin?
   
10. Merhaba, neredesin?
    

The Drunk Whisperer

1. I think you meant “I love you” but it came out as “I luv yo.”
   
2. Your phone’s just tired, not you.
   
3. This is actually a cry for snacks, isn’t it?
   
4. You’re trying to say “Call me” but it got scrambled.
   
5. That’s a secret code for “Help me find my shoes.”
   
6. You’re saying you miss me, right?
   
7. This is just your brain waving a white flag.
   
8. I hear “I’m having fun” behind those words.
   
9. Your heart is typing faster than your fingers.
   
10. You’re asking for a hug without saying it.
    

The Screenshot Threat

1. Smile, this one’s going straight to the group chat.
   
2. Should I save this for blackmail purposes?
   
3. You know this text is going viral, right?
   
4. Group chat gold incoming.
   
5. Just took a screenshot, your reputation is toast.
   
6. This will be the highlight of our next reunion.
   
7. Hope you don’t mind if I share this masterpiece.
   
8. Your drunk texts are about to become legendary.
   
9. Adding this to the “What Were You Thinking” album.
   
10. Caption for this: “The night got weird.”
    

The Haiku Maker

1. Words stumble and fall
   Night whispers through blurry eyes
   Sleep calls you softly
   
2. Late texts spill secrets
   Echoes of laughter and tears
   Moon watches in silence
   
3. Slurred thoughts dance on screen
   Warmth and chaos intertwined
   Morning brings new light
   
4. Fingers type with sway
   Confessions wrapped in moonlight
   Heart beats off the grid
   
5. Voices in the dark
   Stories told with heavy hearts
   Night fades into dawn
   
6. Lost words find their way
   Between the stars and the glass
   Hope hides in each line
   
7. Blurred lines tell the truth
   Softly spoken, loud in soul
   Night’s quiet witness
   
8. Messages like waves
   Crashing on tired shores
   Dreams drift far from shore
   
9. Echoes of the past
   Whispers in the midnight air
   Promises linger
   
10. Swaying with the night
    Texting through the haze and glow
    Morning’s gentle truth
    

The Cliffhanger

1. Wait, did you just say what I think you said?
   
2. And then suddenly, everything changed when…
   
3. I wasn’t ready for what came next but…
   
4. Just when I thought the night was over…
   
5. There’s something you forgot to tell me about…
   
6. But that’s not even the craziest part, listen…
   
7. I was about to reply when your phone went silent.
   
8. You won’t believe what happened after that message.
   
9. I thought you were joking until you texted me again.
   
10. The story doesn’t end here, it’s only the beginning…

Why Drunk Texts Happen

Understanding why someone might send a drunk text can help you choose the right way to reply.

• Alcohol lowers inhibitions

Alcohol affects the part of the brain that controls judgment and self-control. Without that filter, thoughts that might normally be kept private can become messages sent at two in the morning.

• Emotional triggers

Alcohol can make feelings stronger. Someone who feels lonely, nostalgic, or brave may decide to share those emotions in a text. This is why drunk texting often includes emotional confessions, flirtation, or sudden declarations of love.

• The ease of texting

In the past, someone might have had to make a phone call to reach you. Now, they can send a message in seconds without thinking about whether it is the right time or place. That convenience makes drunk texting more common.

First Steps When You Receive a Drunk Text

If you get a drunk text, do not reply right away.

• Pause before reacting

Give yourself a moment to think. Your first reaction might be emotional, but a short pause allows you to choose a calmer and more thoughtful reply.

• Figure out the tone

Read the message carefully. Is it lighthearted, affectionate, sad, angry, or threatening? This will guide how you respond.

Harmless drunk texts

These are usually silly, friendly, or playful. They might be a funny meme, a simple “u up?” or a compliment.

Potentially harmful drunk texts

These can be aggressive, manipulative, or repetitive. They may include insults, harassment, or emotional pressure.

Decide What You Want Before Responding

Knowing your goal before replying will help you stay in control.

• Ask yourself what outcome you want

Do you want to comfort the person, set a boundary, or ignore the message entirely?

• The morning-after test

Imagine reading your reply the next morning. Would you still be comfortable with what you sent? If not, hold off.

Different Reply Styles for Different Situations

Once you know your goal, match your reply to the situation.

• Empathetic replies for emotional texts

If someone sounds upset or lonely, be kind but keep it short. Example: “It sounds like you are having a tough night. Let’s talk when you are feeling better.”

• Playful replies for harmless flirting

If the drunk text is light and you are open to it, keep things fun but safe. Example: “Texting me at 2 am? You owe me coffee tomorrow.”

• Firm replies for boundary setting

If the message crosses a line, be direct. Example: “I am not comfortable with this kind of message. We can talk another time.”

• Choosing silence

If the text is inappropriate or you simply do not want to respond, silence can be the most powerful reply.

Practical Drunk Text Response Templates

Here are ready-made replies you can adapt:

• Gentle and caring
  “Hey, I can tell you have a lot on your mind. We can talk tomorrow.”
• Playful but safe
  “This is a bold time to text me. We will continue this in daylight.”
• Clear boundary
  “I am not going to continue this conversation tonight.”
• If the message is aggressive
  “Do not contact me with messages like this again. If it continues, I will block your number.”

If You Are the One Who Sent Drunk Texts

Sometimes you wake up and realize you sent messages you regret.

Apologize quickly

Send one short and sincere apology. Example: “I am sorry for my messages last night. I should not have texted while drinking. I will respect your space.”

Do not over-explain

Avoid sending multiple follow-ups. Give the other person space to decide if they want to respond.

How to stop drunk texting

• Use Do Not Disturb mode after a certain time
  
• Leave your phone in another room while drinking
  
• Write your thoughts in a note instead of sending them
  

Drunk Texts in Different Types of Relationships

Your response might change based on your connection with the sender.

• With a partner

Drunk texts between partners can reveal hidden feelings or frustrations. Discuss them calmly when sober.

• With friends

Friend drunk texts are often harmless but can cross boundaries. Address any concerns directly.

• With exes or casual contacts

These can reopen old wounds. It is often better not to reply.

When Drunk Texts Become a Problem

Occasional drunk texts are normal, but frequent ones can be a red flag.

• Repeated harassment

Save the messages as evidence. Block the person if needed and consider reporting them.

• Safety concerns

If a message includes threats or signs of self-harm, take it seriously and contact appropriate services.

Digital Tools to Handle or Prevent Drunk Texts

• Phone settings

Turn on Do Not Disturb at night and use the block feature when needed.

• Helpful apps

Some apps delay messages or require confirmation before sending. These can prevent drunk texting mistakes.

Emotional Self-Care After a Drunk Text Situation

Your emotional health matters as much as the message itself.

• Why your reaction matters

Engaging in unnecessary arguments can leave you feeling stressed. Protect your energy.

• How to reset your mood

Take a walk, turn off notifications, listen to calming music, or talk to a friend.

Long-Term Strategies to Avoid Drunk Text Drama

• Set communication rules

Agree with friends or partners to avoid emotional or confrontational texting while drinking.

• Be consistent

People respect boundaries when you stick to them every time.

Legal and Safety Considerations

If drunk texts involve harassment, stalking, or explicit content, save screenshots and timestamps. This documentation can help if you need to take legal action.

Conclusion

Navigating drunk texts can be a tricky business, but with these 250+ funny and smart replies, you’ll always have the perfect response ready whether you want to keep things lighthearted or throw back some clever humor. Remember, a good reply can turn a potentially awkward message into a moment of laughter and connection. For even more great comeback ideas, check out our guide on 250+ Best Replies to “No Problem” In A Text Or In Person.

FAQS

Q. Are drunk texts always bad?
No. Some are lighthearted and friendly. Problems arise when they become repetitive, inappropriate, or emotional in a harmful way.

Q. Should I reply to a drunk text right away?
It is better to wait and think before responding.

Q. How do I stop myself from drunk texting?
Use Do Not Disturb, keep your phone away, or use apps that delay messages.

Q. What if a drunk text reveals serious feelings?
Discuss it when both of you are sober to understand the true meaning.

Q. When should I involve the police?
If the texts contain threats, harassment, or stalking, keep records and contact authorities.